Women Learning Thai… and some men too ;-)

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Is it Kun, Pêe, Aa-jaann, or Pôo yài Moo?…

There used to be a time in the west when calling a person by their first name was something you didn’t do until you had known them for a considerable length of time, and then only when you had become very close. Nowadays, the new generation is often on a first name basis literally from the time they meet. That may be true in a lot of places, but in Thailand there is a small wrinkle to this rule. Although Thais are always on a first name basis because they eschew the use of last names, they almost never use just the person’s first name or nickname alone. They almost always add some kind of honorific or relationship title. If we leave this honorific off then we are forcing a familiarity with our Thai acquaintances that we may not have earned yet.

The most common of these honorifics is คุณ kun (Sir or Madam) which is usually OK to use with most people except it may be a little formal to use with people really close to you. The term คุณ kun originally was a royal title bestowed on one to show respect. Later it took on the use that it has today. คุณ kun can also mean “you”. Thus, you get the ubiquitous “Hey you.”, so very jarring to the English speaking listener’s ear. But, due to the mistranslation, the one who called out “Hey you” may think he is merely saying, “Hello sir”.

Another meaning for คุณ kun is Mr./Ms. For years I was referred to as “Mr. Hugh” (because in Thai they would have been using “Kun Hugh”). Later, when I became a little older and got my masters degree I graduated to อาจารย์ Aa-jaan (teacher) Hugh. Now that I am retired, and everyone (is there a conspiracy here?) refers to me as ลุง Lung (elder uncle) Hugh. As long as they haven’t started with ตา Dtaa (grandpa) Hugh, I’m OK with that.

Many honorifics used with our names either describe a certain status we have achieved or a relationship between us and the speaker. Age relationships are quite important in Thailand and will usually determine what type of honorific or relationship title is used. One trick my wife uses when meeting someone new is to say, “By the way, what year did you graduate?” The answer will usually tell her, without having to ask the person’s age, whether she is older or younger than the person she has just met, and thus, what honorific to use.

Words that westerners would consider using only with family members are quite often used to indicate age relationships here in Thailand. Since these relationships are so important here, using the correct one is essential. It is also quite important to use the correct honorific with someone who has achieved his or her title through education or promotion.

In Chiang Mai where we live, the term used for an older woman is quite often แม่ Mâe (mother). In other parts of Thailand it could be น้า Náa (younger aunt) or ป้า Bpâa (older aunt). My wife likes Chiang Mai’s คุณ แม่ Kun Mâe. She much prefers it over one that we are beginning to hear more and more lately, คุณ ยาย Kun Yaai (grandmother). The use of kun before another honorific (as in คุณ แม่ Kun Mâe or คุณ ลุง Kun Lung) essentially doubles the honor bestowed upon the listener.

The only time you might hear someone using a person’s name alone is when they are young people speaking with someone their own age, when speaking to a young child, or sometimes to their servant. But even servants are due their honorifics. An older servant might be referred to as ป้า Bpâa (auntie). A younger one might be referred to as น้อง Nóng (younger sister). Our children were instructed to call their nanny พี่ Pêe (older sister).

What is jarring to my ears though is when an expat speaks to, or refers to, a Thai using the first name only. “Hello Wichai.” or “Where is Mali going?” What we should be doing is listening to what the Thais are saying. See how often you hear Thais referring to each other using only their first names. Not very often. See how often you yourself will be referred to by your first name alone. Probably only from Thais who have lived in the west for quite some time. It’s more proper to say, “Hello Kun Wichai.” And “Where is Pêe Mali going?”

So next time you are talking to a friend or even referring to him or her when talking with someone else, try using an appropriate honorific. Something like, Kun Somchai, or Aa-jaan Somchai, or Pêe Somchai, or Lung Somchai. Your listeners will know that you have graduated to not only a better understanding of the Thai language but a better understanding of Thais and their relationships.

The following are some common honorifics heard daily. You can use any of these followed by a persons first name or nickname. Oh! One last wrinkle. The term kun is fine when used with someone else’s name but is not used when referring to yourself. I can refer to myself as Lung Hugh, or Aa-jaan Hugh, or Pêe Hugh, but I cannot call myself Kun Hugh.

The honorific is followed by the person’s name or nickname.
Examples: Kun Catherine, Pêe Lek, Aa-jaan Jackson, Pôo yài Moo

Mr/Miss/Ms/Mrs/: คุณ (kun)
Mother: แม่ (mâe)
Father: พ่อ (pôr)
Younger Sibling: น้อง (nóng)
Older Sibling: พี่ (pêe)
Elder Uncle: ลุง (lung)
Younger Aunt: น้า (náa)
Older Aunt: ป้า (bpâa)
Grandmother: ยาย (yaai)
Grandfather: ตา (dtaa)
Medical Doctor: หมอ (mŏr)
Teacher: อาจารย์ (aa-jaan)
Professor: ศาสตราจารย์ (sàat-dtraa-jaan)
Village Chief: ผู้ใหญ่ (pôo yài)
Mayor นายก (naa-yók)
Governor: ผู้ว่า (pôo wâa)
Boss: นาย (naai)

When in doubt (except with people who are really close friends, who are lots younger than you, or who are related to you), คุณ … kun… is always a polite way out.

Hugh Leong
Retire 2 Thailand
Retire 2 Thailand: Blog